For those of you who don't know me. I recently published a book called "Life's too short to date men like me", it's selling on right now, and I'm working with a partner on writing a Chinese version. The amazon link is here:

Now, I've partied in several cities in China, and the dating scene in China can be very messy. For girls just looking to date local men things might be not be that difficult. But I have female friends who are not happy just dating local men, they were educated in the west and thus want to find western educated Chinese or "Westerners". 

Many if not most well off and Western educated Chinese, and Westerners working in China tend to be playing and not looking to find a serious relationship. In Shanghai for example, many women complain it's very hard to find a good man, and many of my female friends from Shanghai can testify to that.  

The traditional way of thinking was to find someone with the aim of getting married. Now in the modern China, a lot of men, especially those influenced by Western culture or from the West are just looking to play. They just want to meet many women, play around, meet a girl for sex with zero intention to get married. 

This is the challenge for the new generation of Chinese women. You have to know which men are just looking to play and which men are serious. Also you need to set yourself apart from the other girls. Looking to find an eligible bachelor who's ready to settle down is not an easy task. There's more women looking for successful "good" men, than there are such men. So there's a supply and demand imbalance.

To get such a man you can't just rely on looks, there are many things a man will look for in a woman's actions and with her personality. 

This thread is to help answer some of the questions you may have about men, so if you have any, feel free to ask. 

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Hi Willie, thanks for the post, just one simple question as the start, how could we tell one guy is serious to look for a long term relationship rather than playing around at the first several datings? For sure I could ask to them directly but I am afraid this will scare them away which make them to think that I am desperate to look for a relationship, please advice!

Hi Janette, the key is to be able to generate interest in the guy whilst taking things slowly. Men looking to play will aim to have sex with the girl as soon as possible. It's important to be able to see this and know that the guy's only looking to play, nothing more, and thus avoiding the guy. Players tend to be very touchy at the start, and sexually suggestive. They'll also tend to run off as soon as the girl shows she's interested in something serious, which is a good thing, you want to scare off the men who are only looking to play. 

But you can't date someone forever and not start the relationship. It's important to indicate to the guy without explicitly stating it that you're interested, most of this via body language. Be willing to hold hands and maybe kiss but don't get physical. Don't get yourself into situations where sex is very likely and the guy will feel you're playing with him but not willing to "put out". Don't go to his place or invite him to yours too soon. Only get into a situation where sex is likely when you ask the guy and he says he's willing to commit to a relationship. 

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